The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #152912   Message #3577840
Posted By: Joe Offer
21-Nov-13 - 05:17 PM
Thread Name: Lyr Req/Add:Carolling and Crumpets (J Kirkpatrick)
Subject: ADD: Carolling and Crumpets (John Kirkpatrick)
Well, I was able to OCR it, more-or-less....

(John Kirkpatrick, 2006)

There were eight maids a-milking their cows in the stall
When they took out their milk, there was no-one at all
But the mooing and chewing, it made such a din
And a night like no other was about to begin
Says Daisy, "My udders are bruised black and blue
I had that new rough one, she hasn't got a clue"
And they all started moaning how she'd made them sore
When they heard a clip-clopping right outside their door.

Then in comes a donkey with a man and a maid
"Hell's haystacks! What a journey!" the donkey he said
But before they could blink, she had brought forth a son
Laid him in the manger, with them all looking on
And the baby was piddling, and giggling with glee
Great pictures of Paradise he made with his wee
They hung in the air, glowing brighter than gold
All the glories of Heaven for them all to behold

"He's a pretty thing," said Buttercup, "but he's lying on our tea
And I don't mind admitting, I'm quite peckish now," said she
And a murmur of agreement went all round their shed
As the name of each cow shone over each head
Then a far greater light it shone down through the roof
There were cherubim and seraphim, all bursting with truth
And Gabriel, their gaffer, he arranged them in parts
To sing them a song, and here's how he starts:
     Gaudete, gaudete, Chistus est natus
     Ex Maria virgine, gaudete
       (Sing twice, to the normal tune)

"Well, I don't think he's local" said Hazel, in a huff
"I never heard such language, such a silly load of stuff"
Then up speaks young Parsley, the brains of the herd
"Why, you great daft old lummox, I caught every word,
They're having a party for the little baby boy
And we're all invited to share in their joy
There's a fine slap-up feast, and we shan't go without
If you listen to their chorus, you'll soon work it out."
     Cows eat hay, but today it's juiced tomatoes
     Eggs for tea the turkey lay yesterday (Sing twice)

The cattle are lowing, the baby awakes
And little Lord Jesus, he gave them all cakes
A scone for the donkey, and a bun for the hen
And each cow had a crumpet, Alleluia, Amen!
And Gabriel went round the heavenly host
With a glass of mulled wine each, and hot buttered toast
They were all in mid-guzzle, when shepherds came in
So they had to lay off, and have another sing.

As if that wasn't enough, then three kings did appear
"Flipping heck, who'll be next? It's like madness in here."
Poor Myrtle was flummoxed as the kings bowed their heads
"Gold, frankincense, and myrtle," she thought they had said
Says Parsley, "Wash your ears, girl, you're so blinking dense
They said 'Gold, and fur, and then making sense'
No use just being clever, common sense does the job"
And the others all nodded, save Myrtle, who sobbed.

That Gabriel came flying in for all he was worth
Said "As you were all witness to Jesus's birth
All beasts shall be honoured on this night every year
To speak just like humans, in words loud and clear."
"I won't know what to say, though" says Bluebell, all shy
"I think I'll just 'moo' if there's people close by"

"Well you won't catch me talking," said Hazel outright
But Gabriel looked shirty, so she closed her lips tight
He said, "It's a blessing being given unto you
Whatever folks ask you, just answer them true
And tell 'em what you saw here,
and tell them again
Of carolling and crumpets, Alleluia, Amen!"

Alleluia, Amen
Alleluia, Amen
Of carolling and crumpets, Alleluia, Amen.
(Repeat profusely)

©2006, Squeeze Music