I read the original first, Charlie, and the thought expressed above, that she was being paid by the word, resonated with me.   

You did a wonderful job tightening it up and eliminating the many belabored points. I quite liked the way you adapted it to song, as well. It rolled like the seas. The instrumental accompaniment did much to create that effect. Given that, a bit of accordion would go well in the mix, if only to underscore the text. Very well done.