Those were guests other than me

You are all very kind, thank for your suggestions

He smokes and drinks 2-3 beers per day

There have been too many years of too high stress which may be changing soon

Together over 21 years with near celibacy for near 13 of those - it has been better, that is what keeps me going and that we are together for more than just intimacy, in our good times we've known no bounds, no taboos, always open and communicative

BillD made an important distinction - there being no desire FOR desire

we talk or I cry and explain - he says he understands and will try - but the time never comes

divorce is not an option nor a desire

AllanC thank you for your forthrightness - I am beyond being interested in my dildo

I guess I am at a maintain and resignation point and have been for a long time

every few months it overwhelms and I get these feelings of refusing to accept that it has to be this way

then despair and anger take over

I do not feel I can write any more about it less I say too much

Thank you very much