[Sometimes I just have too much time on my hands.]

I'm snoring in my chair
I think I've had too much to eat
And even if I tried
I couldn't leave my seat.

I'm getting very tight:
I didn't need those last two beers
And now that last mince pie
Has dribbled down my tie.

Somebody offered me another cup of tea
Turkey sandwich, more plum pudding, woe is me…

I'm sprawling on the stairs
I haven't got the strength to rise
And dear old Auntie Jill
Is in the bathroom still.

I've turned off the TV
The Queen's speech was keeping me awake
And one more Singing Nun
Is more than I can take

Uncle Dick is feeling sick, he's running for the loo
Heaving like a mighty monster from the zoo

I'm surfing in my lair
Looking for some online deals
To spend next Christmas Day
On a cruise ship far away…