Many's the year I have spent on my own.
Here in your bathroom, lost and alone.
But I've much to be happy for, such is my wont,
I get more attention than the local Church Font!

I see many sights which I will not relate,
I often get s--t upon, such is my fate.
I'm strong in my mind, on that please depend,
If not I would surely be driven round the bend.

Life isn't easy when you're sat on my seat,
If I could I would force you to p--s on your feet.
But I won't be unhappy and won't ever moan,
As I wait here for you to drop your mobile phone!!!!!