"... but old fruit is an affectionate address around these parts."

But Dave, I am not exactly from around those parts. I have a few odd little terms of endearment and 'affectionate address' that I have used in THESE parts, but I don't use them without explanation on an international forum.


" Oh, hang on. It was Bill. He reckons the internet is real. Oh grapefruit......"

As I said, Musket, I assume 'real' people make these posts. I don't even understand the concept involved in saying **the internet** is not real. Sounds to me like a cultural eccentricity employed to justify being rude when you can't be looked directly in the eye.
   (Now... do I have to look up "grapefruit" also? One of my terms of 'affectionate address' is "fruitcake". Makes me wonder if I oughta use it. Or maybe my friend Catspaw could offer a few suggestions.)
   In the last year or two I have been watching old English TV comedy shows... most notably "The Last of the Summer Wine", and I hear a lot of "affectionate address" used in not-quite-so-affectionate ways. If that is a common game in the UK, you should understand that it does not translate well in this "unreal" medium, and like rhyming slang, it seems a waste of effort to try to teach it to we poor colonials.