Last night, the night before, 49 robbers knocked on my door.
I went down stairs to let them in, they hit me on the head with a bowling pin.
It was big, it was brass, so they shoved it up my ass.

I went upstairs to get my gun, hit the pot on the run.
Couldn't swim, couldn't float, got a big turd down my throat.

Went down stairs to get a drink, bumped the stove, burned my dink.
Ran outside to cool it off, a big bull dog bit it off.

So when I die, bury me deep, hang my balls on a cherry tree.
When they're ripe, take a bite, don't blame me if you fart all night.