Hope Tommy's first day back at school was a good experience.

I have nothing to offer Nigel. Families are different, and within families, how grief and loss are dealt with are different. And as you have already commented, losses of different family members are also different, often dependent on whether the the death of a loved one was/is "timely" or not. In my own family, but this is only my own family, we tend not to do anything specific, but will call one another (none of us live remotely near one another) and acknowledge our memories and emotions on the anniversaries of the deaths of those we love, as well as on the birthdays and major holidays that remind us acutely of an "empty chair." Sharing our loss. Sharing our love. Reminding one another, essentially of what 'Spaw shared so eloquently.