I believe 'users' (of both sexes) are known as sociopaths. They are very skilled at manipulating, lying and being charming in order to further their ends. Just like the cat described by leeneia. I agree, Seaham Cemetery, that disparity in a couple is not necessarily a disaster, but I gathered were talking about real 'bad lots', which I'm sure describes neither you or your wife. I've seen arrogant, uncaring, disrespectful men (and women) attracting the most pleasant and sweet partners. I feel GUEST is correct in that there must be some influence of biology at play, where a strong male (even if he's aggressive, nasty and a bully) was in primitive times a good idea to protect ones family from attack. But we don't live in the Stone Age now. The trouble is, no matter what you do or say, you won't persuade the woman to give up on him and leave, until maybe she ends up penniless, or in hospital (or worse). I've worked with the Friends (Quakers) in helping prisoners' wives & families, and the grief, pain and distress some of these Bad Lots cause is unbelievable.