As the bundled up figure entered the Mudcat Arms, the bundling visibly began to unravel, or perhaps expand in the familial heat. The figure also appeared to mimic this unspiralling deshabillation, but clearly held himself together long enough to reach a corner bar stool. He propped his parcel upon the bar, and breathed a sigh, which caused much of his costume to uncoil visibly onto the floor beneath.

"Bartender? Estimable sir?"

The wily bartender, who resembled nothing more or less than LEJ, moved edgily towards him, recalling not altogether fondly, the many previous Hail-fellow-well-mets he had endured with this intinerant tinkerer.

"Might I prevail upon you for a glass of Christmas cheer, in exchange for which I am prepared to unleash the next wonder of the world upon your festive flock?"

It being the Christmas season, LEJ forbore to grumble, and merely said:
"This is not the weepie machine is it? No "He Stopped Loving Her Today?"?"
The dubious figure smiled in his unravelling way: "No, no, this is the newest feat of internanotechnology -- A Christmas Jollies Generator!! More fun than watching Big Mick pursue THE FAIR ONE!! More thrills than JenEllen worming a dog!!! You see, revered sir" -- and warming to his task, he unscrewed the front lid of the box in front of him -- "What we have here is a subnuclear cracker device: you see this cylinder suspended horizontally in the middle and connected at both its ends to these pressurized tension grips: in the heart of the cylinder are all the good things that have been contributed to the Mudcat during the previous year, the jokes, the games, the ridiculous contests, the joviality, the meetings, the exchange of musical fluids, etc. I need only press this lever here" -- and he pointed to a black lever upon the side --" and the two tension grips will pull the cracker apart, unleashing in one concentrated space ALL THE COSMIC MUDCAT JOLLITY AT ONCE!!!!!!!"

The bartender looked at him, and then went over and poured him a hot rum toddy. He returned, placing the steaming beverage in front of the increasingly dishevelled tinkerer.

"If I were you," said the bartender, thanking his sainted karma that he was not,"I would be careful with that."

"Oh," said the tinkerer, and sat back to consider this deep advice for a moment.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Mudcat Arms, workmen had finished unloading the massive shipment of mistletoe.....