It couldn't be me Steve. Last time I dropped a silent but violent in a lift, I was outed because tears were rolling down my face and desperately stifling the laughter that eventually came as I staggered out of the lift with my two colleagues calling me everything from a pig to a dog.

True story. I was in a punk band when I were a lad, and at a gig (Porterhouse at Retford, we were the support band for The Damned) our drummer decided to let a fart go as he was energetically drumming. To cut a long story short, he followed through. He was only allowed in the van once he had ditched his grots and jeans and was wearing a sheet we used to protect my back line amp...

Their drummer, the legendary Rat Scabies, was impressed.....

Your 30 mins old faithful is nothing to that night. We were only two songs in..