In a rather busy restaurant on holiday many years ago, my then six or seven year old youngest wouldn't eat something on his plate. I did the Dad thing and quietly but angrily through gritted teeth told him to stop showing us up and asked him why we won't eat it.

"It tastes like runny poo!" Came the loud answer followed by tears.

I started to imagine what could have happened next

Dear social services,

My son speaks from fantasy. At no point has he ever been in a position to our knowledge to have any idea as to the taste, texture or vitamin content of runny poo.

Yours,

Musket. Circa 1990.....