Certainly, the dubious figure thought to himself, if I can get the beauteous JenEllen to sit beside me, then this SAD-O-METRIC CHRISTMAS JOLLIES GENERATOR has paid for itself many times over!!! It was at this happy moment that another flutter of wings was heard overhead, and his dark angel -- having returned from the K-TEL factory where it had been sprinkling drecckdust over stacks of "Christmas Favourites from Ancient Times Before 1970" CDs -- began to whisper in his ear, for no good reason, in an accent somewhat reminiscent of Peter Sellers' Indian imitation: "Oh, goodness, me, if the machine works so jolly, jolly, superjolly at the speed you have it, eh, would not it be even more superjolly at a higher current? Pull that lever all the way down!".

Meanwhile, in the other ear, a bright angel voice, not unlike the voice that tells you how important your call is to the automatic system that has had you on hold for an hour, countered: "No, no, do not pull that lever any further! You cannot force Mudcat jollity!! That way only doom or an evening with your brother-in-law discussing how he is going to keep his boat if the recession really hits, lies!!!"

The dishevelled figure, his soul in midtussle, signals to the bartender for another drink -- and one for the lady by his side with the very large horse needle in her hand, fending off the Reg brothers.