The Kubler-Ross quotation is, "The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but, you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to."

I downloaded it (and put it into my "Tom" file alias on the desktop) when it showed up at Facebook. Definitely true. And definitely a reminder here six months into my first year of grief. Just had a couple hour phone conversation with a friend who has been a widow a couple months longer than I have. It's a great day for it because I just found out I have nothing else today that I HAVE to do (I don't have to go to a friend's to work on the T-shirt quilt) -- and had just come to the realization that I needed to take a day "off" just to be, to talk to friends and my sister (who called to say she's calling me back this afternoon), etc. Talked to Tom's 93-year-old cousin on Friday. She lost her husband shortly after Tom and I met, so it was probably 1981. She says, too, there are still some really down days. You never do "get over" the loss. It just changes. As the quotation says, you'll never be the same, but you don't WANT it to be the same.

A few months ago a friend sent me a great little book of daily meditations entitled "Healing After Loss" and yesterday's was even more appropriate than ever. About how some people don't want to mention the loss after, say, about six months, but how we widows still need to hear words of condolence. It doesn't bother US to shed a few tears...and crying can actually be an odd kind of enjoyable.

So, I got the rest of the vinyl pieces torn up, bagged, and into the trash. I sat on the steps outside and cut up the box and got it bagged, then I got the three bags of trash up to the road in time for pickup.

I just heated up the Bavarian Beef Soup for lunch and will now probably have the last of the strawberry shortcake for dessert. Then, maybe, I'll take the cordless phone out on the deck and wait for my sister to call.

That's it. That's my game plan for today. What counts for a day off, for a change. Maybe I'll bring some of those tiles upstairs...maybe I won't. I just cleaned up a box to hold CDs in the car. Maybe I'll take it out to the car...maybe I won't.

And maybe later I'll catch up with my friend in Seattle...or call my great aunt in Milwaukee -- she's not going to be around forever, either.

It's such a beautiful day out, though, I really feel I need to sit on the deck.

Linn