I'm in Charleston, SC. We lost our main mast, our mizzen head, the poop deck and the foreskincastle but the Coast Guard found us drifting and towed us to port. They tracked us by the trail of, ah, waste the cap'n left in the water when he found the poop deck gone.

If Canada had joined the US like God intended the Canucks would have been able to celebrate on both July 1 and July 4.