How about:

"I'd tell you to get a clue, but you couldn't get a clue if it were the middle of clue mating season, you took off all your clothes and rubbed your body with clue musk, then ran out into the middle of a field of horny clues and did the clue mating dance!"

I sort of like some of the ancient Arab curses, such as "May wild camels defile the grave of your maternal grandmother!"

If a person has a history, sometimes just addressing them by name is sufficient.

Don Firth