The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #155153 Message #3647140
Posted By: Jim Dixon
31-Jul-14 - 06:17 PM
Thread Name: Lyr Add: Songs about barbers
Subject: Lyr Add: THE MONKEY TURNED BARBER
From the National Library of Scotland*:
THE MONKEY TURNED BARBER.
A Frolicksome spark in Dublin did dwell.
He came over to Liverpool which for him was not well.
He went into a barber's shop for to be shaved,
Where a great heavy beast unto Pat ill behaved.
The barber being out and his wife not within,
There was nought but this monkey who looked at Pat very grim.
"Good morning, good father," then Paddy did say.
"You've long been a barber; your head's very grey.
"Can you shave a wild Irishman just come from the sod?"
The monkey look'd in Pat's face, gave a wink and a nod.
He took up the lather box into his paw,
And knock'd up a lather, so lather'd Pat's jaw.
The razor he then began quickly to use,
And at the first stroke look off part of Pat's nose.
He lathered and shaved and cut him full sore.
Like a bull at a stake poor Paddy did roar.
Then in comes the barber and trembling with fear,
To see the wild Irishman to stamp and to swear.
"What's the matter, my friend?" "My friend," returned he,
"Don't you see how that big rogue your father served me?"
"Indeed I've no father; long time he's been dead."
"It's your grandfather, then, with his ugly big head.
He's gone up the chimney; he dare not come down.
By my soul, if I had him, I'd crack his old crown."
Then crying out, "Murder!" Pat ran up the street,
And one of his countrymen chanced for to meet,
Who seeing him bleeding, pity'd his case,
Saying, "Arrah, dear honey, and who cut your face?"
"Why, I went to a barber's shop just to be shaved,
Where a great ugly beast to me ill behaved.
He lathered and shaved me and cut me you see.
He's dressed like a man but turns out a monkey."
"Why sure, man alive, you must have been mad,
To sit while he cut your nose and chin so bad;
But come to a grog shop the story to tell.
We'll try if good whiskey won't make your face well."
[* I chose this version mainly because it was already digitized; all I had to do was copy and paste! There are several versions of this in the Bodleian, under various titles:
MONKEY BARBER
MONKEY TURN'D BARBER
MONKEY SHAVING AN IRISHMAN.]