Thank you all, I knew I could count on my ifriends.

Sorcha, it isn't really seasonal, and it usually isn't worse in the winter, it's just that this depressive leg happened to hit right now...
Bardford - superb. Really really good, thanks.
Sorcha(2) and Dave(tam), yes indeed, my kids are who I'm living for right now, but that is a terrible burden for them which is why I was looking for other answers...
Susan-Marie and GuestSteve, I liked both the idea that you gotta stick around to hear the music you will love, and that today is the only day you get today... that sounds like something the Navajo would say, too.
Hollowfox, what a nice thing to write, thanks, I am heartwarmed.
Sluefoot, SL who?
Amergin, c'est fort possible, et tu peux m'écrire aussi si tu veux, ça ne me gênerait pas. And thanks for the later blickies!
LtS and Kendall, quelle horreur! Thanks for the warning!
Troll, I agree, and thanks, I might.
Jim Dixon, I have a shrink, I even called her in California where she is on vacation, and I agree with Sorcha(3) - I tried to reduce my dosage when things were going well to see if things were really OK or was it the drugs and BOY did I find out, ain't gonna do that again anytime soon.
Amos, although I agree with you in principle, MY shrink is great, and I do have a chemical imbalance which requires adjustment, as kendall put it. When things are fine in the outside world, that is all that is required. But when life really does suck (by whatever standards are applied by my brain, which might have nothing to do with my mind who knows perfectly well that things aren't all that bad), they tend to suck bigger, greener donkey dicks than for people with more standard levels of serotonin.
Guest, I wish I could. Maybe I'll try again.
Wesley S, you have my heartfelt thanks and condolences. Reading your [other] post opened a logjam of repressed-during-the-holidays-for-the-sake-of-family-harmony tears, which helped TREMENDOUSLY with the depression. I relived a lot of my own fears, which of course reduced their strength tremendously. You are an inspiration to me, actually. That you would take the time to read this and post to it touches me even more. Kiss Brendan and Bretta for me.
mej, I hear about that, and also about ginko or something for my memory issues, and really ought to try them. They take some kick-in time, don't they?

I think I am mentally allergic to boredom. As long as I'm at work or with my kids or something I'm OK. As soon as it's just me, I fall apart. And I've been on vacation from work for a week and a half, and some of that time the boys were with their father, so it HAS been just me... and I've kind of used up all my favors with my local friends, so I'm really, really glad I have this whole set of ifriends to talk to! You really help. I'll check back in tomorrow.