Don't forget, Swansea, that I kept a professional farter on my stage crew just for that all-important political gig, the Annual Christmas Party in front of HM at Windsor. A good leap and a fart in the top man's face should be an essential ritual of every Party Congress. One year, ole Roly managed a triple Salko, forgot he'd had a currie the ight beforehand, and sprayed the walls instead. Now, you don't get much more pseudointellectual than that!