If a little dog is sad
He'll whine and wail
When a little dog is glad
He'll wag his tail
All the little Pekes and Poms
Wave their tiny to's and from's
But one animal I know
Has no tail to wag, and so,

How can a guinea pig show he's pleased
When he hasn't got a tail to wag?
All other animals, you will find,
Have got a little tail stuck on behind.
If they'd only put a tail on a guinea pig,
And finish off a decent job,
The price of a guinea pig would go right up
From a guinea up to thirty bob.

If a guinea pig should fall in love one day
On his lady love he'll call but sad to say
She'll return his ring with thanks
When she finds that he is Manx
So he'd have to go through life
Minus tail and minus wife.

How can a guinea pig show he's pleased
When he hasn't got a tail to wag?
All other animals, you will find,
Have got a little tail stuck on behind.
If they'd only put a tail on a guinea pig,
And finish off a decent job,
The price of a guinea pig would go right up
From a guinea up to thirty bob.