WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO YOU
As sung by Kinky Friedman

1. While trav'lin' through the Lone Star State
I lost my lunch before I ate.
It happened in a bullet-head café.
I felt my bones begin to crunch.
I saw my name on the bidnessman's lunch,
And the 'neck who owned the place stepped up to say:
"Hey, buddy, are ya blind?
Say, partner, can't you read the sign?

"We reserve the right to refuse service to you.
Take yer bidness back to Walgreen's; have you tried yer local zoo?
You smell just like a communist; you come through just like a Jew.
We reserve the right to refuse service – to you."

2. Well, I walked on into my house of God,
Congregation on the nod,
Just chosen folks a-doin' their weekly thing.
"Hear, O Israel," yes indeed.
My book was backwards; couldn't read,
But I got a good rise when I heard that rabbi sing:
"Baruch atah adonai—
What the hell you doin' back there, boy?

"We reserve the right to refuse services to you.
Your friends are all on welfare; you call yourself a Jew!
You need your ticket and your tie to zip your prayers on through.
We reserve the right to refuse services – unto you."

3. Live from Laos and Cambodia!
No more tears; tonight I showed ya
The latest old war movies on TV.
You know it's bound to escalate,
So go and turn on channel eight.
Watch channel seven, border channel three.
Well, I won't man your tanks and jets and jeeps,
And speakin' on behalf of all my fellow creeps—

"We reserve the right to refuse service to you.
Right face!—And get the children too!
Let Saigon's be by bygones; don't you blow this world in two.
We reserve the right to refuse service – to you."

4. Well, it's just my luck that god's a Texan,
One big some-bitchin' Anglo-Saxon,
Some crazy kind o' tall Norwegie-board.
Well, just to have my body shipped air freight
From Texas to the Pearly Gate,
Just ring the bell and leave me at the door.
I'll be somewhere over Jordan swingin' low.
I'll hear them tape-recorded angels in lifelike stereo—

Singin': "We reserve the right to refuse service to you.
Take your bidness back to Walgreen's; have you tried your local zoo?
Our quota's filled for this year on singin' Texas Jews.
We reserve the right to refuse service – to you."

* * *
The entire song, as shown above, is sung on:
"Sold American" (1973)
"Old Testaments & New Revelations" (1992)
"Mayhem Aforethought" (2005)
Verse 3 is omitted on:
"Classic Snatches from Europe" (2003)
"Bi-Polar Tour: Live from Woodstock" (2012)