Tsk tsk Vic
A wonderful English tradition
Jim Carroll

Ewan wrote this after seeing a little Pekingese transferred tenderly from the back seat of an enormous Mercedes Benz onto a velvet cushion and carried by a uniformed chauffeur into a London veterinary surgery. Its mistress followed, weeping. Are we really a nation of animal lovers? Britain's wildlife is under continuous threat. Badger-baiting, cock-fighting and dog-fighting take place regularly in Britain. Most of us encourage our children to stamp indiscriminately on spiders, snails, worms and anything small that crawls or flies. True, we are a nation that loves domestic and service animals but even then, not always ... ask the R.S.P.C.A. or any veterinary practice.

We don't pretend we're perfect but we have endearing features,
We're honest and we're always kind to God's four-footed creatures;
Dogs and horses, hamsters, rabbits, little furry things -
Lousy Europeans can't appreciate the pleasure that a little kindness brings.
We're a nation of animal lovers.

When Greeks were being tortured then we always held our peace,
We used to like to spend our summer holidays in Greece;
Cats and ponies, budgies, moths and hairy caterpillars -
Lousy Europeans can't appreciate the pleasure that these little creatures give us,
We're a nation of animal lovers.

When there's hangings in South Africa we just avert our gaze,
But we're tender-hearted to a fault with alley cats and strays;
Remember how the nation nearly had a nervous spasm,
Breathlessly anticipating giant panda's pleasure in a cuddly orgasm,
We're a nation of animal lovers.

When there's rioting in Brixton we're impressively impassive,
But be cruel to a horse and our reaction then is massive;
Guinea pigs and painted terrapin, tropical fishes -
¤ Lesser races cannot understand the simple fact that it would meet with all our wishes
If there were no human beings.