Murpholly mentioned Albert's "horse's head handle" - here's how he got it.

ALBERT'S CHRISTMAS PRESENT
by Graffiti Poet

The night before Christmas young Albert
was anxious and wanted to know,
"Is Santa still coming tomorrow
on account of the sleet and the snow?."

Mr. Ramsbottom assured him
"Of course he is lad, 'ave no fear,
he's got transport for all kinds of weather
what's powered by eight flying deer."

"Should a thick fog descend in the evening
and no matter just how hard it snows,
he's another he's able to call on
what's famous the most for it's nose."

Dad said "Have you written to Santa
to let him know what you want most?",
Albert said "Yes, yes I have Dad,
and I gave it to Mother to post."

Mother said "Let's leave Santa some Sherry
to have with a mince pie or two,
plus a saucer of milk for his Reindeer
and a Carrot for Rudolf to chew."

Alberts fears had been fully abated
contented he went to his bed,
to wait for St. Nick and his Reindeers
and Rudolf who's nose was bright Red.

When Albert was finally sleeping
Mother turned round and told Dad,
"Fetch that stick with the 'orses 'ead 'andle
we purchased from Woollies for lad."

She said as she wrapped it in paper
and finished it nice with a bow,
"It's too big to go in his stocking
so under the tree it must go."

When Albert woke up in the morning
he were eager and anxious to see,
if Santa had granted his wishes
and left him owt under the tree.

Albert leapt out of bed all excited
he didn't take long getting dressed,
he jumped up and down when he found it
shouting "Santa's fetched just what I'd asked."

He charged round the room at a gallop
his shouting woke up Mum and Dad,
"It's the best thing I've ever been given"
both Mother and Father were glad.

"It's nice too see Albert so happy"
said Mum as she snuggled up warm,
"And with a stick with an 'orses 'ed 'andle
our Albert should come to no harm."

Little did she know what we know
the troubles that present would cause,
if she had she would not have let Albert
anywhere near Santa Claus.