Oh, boy! My kinda thread, coz I definitely have all the answers. Okay, let's start with all them silly questions that Ed T asked:

1.Is there life after birth?

Yes, Ed, there is...unless you get ate or otherwise killed right after birth. That happened to a cousin of mine once. A leopard got both him and his momma.

2. If so, what is life's meaning?

That is up to you, buster! You give it whatever meanin' you decide to, and that's what it is fer you, see?

3. Do you like bananas?

YES! Next question?

4. If there is a God, why is there haggis?

Them are 2 things that don't even connect, Ed. It's called a "nonsequitor". Just how stupid are you anyway?

5. Why are bagpipes considered musical instruments, when they sound much like Yoko Ono babbling?

I've listened to Yoko Ono. You sorta got a point, coz there is a slight resemblance there, but here's yer answer. Bagpipes are called instruments becoz bagpiper players play on them, that's why! I don't think any bagpipe players have played on Yoko Ono, but I could be wrong.

6. Who invented the woopie cushon?

You mean "whoopee cushion", Ed. You need to get a Chimp to teach you some good spelling, son! Ook! Ook! Okay, here's yer answer: The Roman Emperor Elagabalus was known to employ a prototype of whoopee cushions at dinner parties. How about that! But the modern version was re-invented in the 1920s by the JEM Rubber Co. of Toronto, Canada, by employees who were experimentin' with scrap sheets of rubber. You feelin' better now that you know this, Ed? I hope so.


7. Could my 60s leisure suits come back in fashon, like lumberjack attern wear?

Sorry, Ed. Not a chance.

8. Is it ok to call jumbo shrimp, shrimp?

Yes, it is. Knock yerself out.

9. Complete the following: a trisket, a trasket, a ....

"green and yellow casket. I saw a face I didn't like, I bit it and I smashed it..."

10. Did David Bowie marry a man (or, was it Iman)?

He's been married twice, Ed. Both times to a woman. First Angie, then Iman.

11. Where's me smokes?

You have to ask me this? Gimme a break. I figger one of yer layabout useless "mates" nicked 'em, Ed. Better go out and buy some more, and this time keep 'em in sight at all times.