The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #156299   Message #3685452
Posted By: GUEST,Rahere
13-Dec-14 - 07:03 PM
Thread Name: BS: I have all the answers
Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
I'm just back from applying oxalic acid to our hives to keep the varroa down - they said one of the girls was off on a mission...are bees Nature's suicide bombers?

    Then we'll sing, we'll sing,
    We'll sing of Lydia Pinkham,
    Savior of the human race.
    How she makes, she bottles,
    She sells her vegetable compound,
    And the papers publish her face.

Widow Brown, she had no children,
Though she loved them very dear,
So she took, she swallowed, she gargled
Some vegetable compound,
And now she has them twice a year.

Willie Smith had peritonitis,
And he couldn't piss at all,
So he took, he swallowed, he gargled
Some vegetable compound,
And now he's a human waterfall.

Mrs. Jones had rotten kidneys;
Poor old lady couldn't pee,
So she took, she swallowed, she gargled
Some vegetable compound,
And now they pipe her out to sea.

Geraldine, she had no breastworks,
And she couldn't fill her blouse,
So she took, she swallowed, she gargled,
Some vegetable compound,
And now they milk her with the cows.

Arthur White had been castrated
And had not a single nut,
So he took, he swallowed, he gargled
Some vegetable compound,
And now they hang all 'round his butt.

Billy Black lacked hair on his balls,
And his pecker wouldn't peck,
So he took, he swallowed, he gargled
Some vegetable compound,
Now it's as long as a gy-raffe's neck.

Or as more recently adapted, with a Seasonal Ending:

Here's a story, a little bit gory,
A little bit happy, a little bit sad,
Of Lily the Pink and her medicinal compound,
And how it slowly drove her to the bad.

Meet Ebenezer, thought he was Julius Caesar.
So they put him in a home.
And then they gave him medicinal compound,
And now he's Emporer of Rome.

    We'll drink a drink a drink
    To Lily the pink the pink the pink
    The savior of [the savior of] the human race.
    She invented medicinal compound.
    Most efficacious in every case.

Meet Johnny Hammer had a t-t-terrible s-s-stammer.
He could b-barely say a word.
So they gave him medicinal compound,
And now he's seen, but never heard.

And Freddie Clinger, the opera singer,
Who could break glasses with his voice they said.
So on his tonsils he rubbed medicinal compound,
And now they break glasses over his head.

And Mr. Frears, who had sticky out ears.
And it made him awful shy.
So they gave him medicinal compound,
And now he's learning how to fly.

And Uncle Paul, he was very small. He
Was the shortest man in town.
So on his body he rubbed medicinal compound,
And now he's six foot, but it's underground.

Lily died and went up to heaven.
Oh, the church bells they did ring.
She took with her medicinal compound.
Hark the herald angels sing.