Father Christmas?

But if it was a burglar downstairs, and not Father Christmas, I suppose I'd ring up the police on my phone, probably my mobile phone, and I'd push a wardrobe in front of my bedroom door with me inside, and him outside, and I'd shout out telling him I'd phoned the police and they'd be there any minute, and he'd better scarper.

And the chances are, he would.

If I found myself in hand to hand combat with some intruder who was threatening the life of a member of my family, I'd do whatever seemed sensible at the time, which might not in fact be sensible at all. But I think in a dark room at night you'd have a better chance of coming out alive if you were using a hurling stick or a golf club than a gun anyway.