The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #1199   Message #3715
Posted By: BillD
01-Apr-97 - 10:25 AM
Thread Name: DTStudy: Seven Old Ladies
Subject: Lyr Add: SEVEN OLD LADIES
Here's something I copied from the newsgroup several weeks ago...I 'dump' it just as I got had some stuff new to me...have fun. (When I first started singing this 30 yrs ago, we were already up to about 9 or 10 old ladies)

In answer to the original post, here is what I've accumulated over the years. Does anyone have the rhyme for the two partial verses down at the end? I heard them on a ski bus trip years ago and only remembered half.

SEVEN OLD LADIES Time: 3/4 Tenor: D Bass: C
- Traditional: English Rugby song?
- Tune: Oh Dear, What Can the Matter Be
- Record: Oscar Brand, Bawdy Songs #3


1 * * *
Oh dear, what can the matter be
2m * 57 *
Seven old ladies locked in the lavatory
1 * * *
They were there from Sunday till Saturday
2m 57 1 *
And nobody knew they were there

1 * * *
The first was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter
2m * 57 *
She went in to pass some superfluous water
1 * * *
She pulled on the chain and the rising tide caught her
2m 57 1 *
And nobody knew she was there

The next to come in was Abigail Humphrey
She sat on the seat and arranged herself comfy
When she tried to get up, she could not get her bum free...

The third old lady was old Mrs. Bickle
She hurdled the door 'cause she hadn't a nickel
Caught her foot in the bowl, what a helluva pickle...

The next to come in was Elizabeth Spender
Who was doing all right till a vagrant suspender
Got all tangled up in her feminine gender...

The fifth old lady was Abigail Prim
She only sat down on a personal whim
But she somehow got pinched 'twixt the cup and the brim...

The next to come in was Elizabeth Carter
She was known as a world-renowned farter
She went in and played a Beethoven sonata...

The last to come in was dear Mrs. Mason
The stalls were all full so she pissed in the basin
And that is the water that I washed my face in...

The janitor came in on Saturday morning
And opened the door without any warning
The seven old ladies came out a-swarming
At last somebody knew they were there

- L4: "seemed to care" for "knew they were there."

- Asterisk (*) = new measure, play same chord
- Period (.) = 1/8 note rest at start of a measure
- Underline (_) = sustain note into next measure

CHORDS (Number System):
- The numbers are the notes of the diatonic scale (do-re-me-fa-so-la-ti-do)
- The system lets you play a song in any key, using the same chart

Common Keys: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Key of C C D E F G A B (no sharps)
Key of G G A B C D E F# (1 sharp)
Key of D D E F# G A B C# (2 sharps)
Key of A A B C# D E F# G# (3 sharps)

- Variations and extras

The first one's name was Elizabeth Porter
She went in to be rid of some overdue water
And she stayed there far more than she ought to...

The **** to come in was old Mrs Flynn
She prided herself on being so thin
But when she sat down, the poor dear fell in...

The **** old lady was Emily Clancy
She went there 'cause something tickled her fancy
But when she got there it was ants in her pantsy

The **** to come in, it was old Mrs. Draper
She sat herself down, and then found there was no paper
She had to clean up with a plasterer's scraper...

The **** was the wife of a Deacon in Dover
And though she was known as a bit of a rover
She liked it so much, she thought she'd stay over...

The **** old lady was extremely fertile
Her name was O'Connor; the boys called her Myrtle
She went there to repair a slight hole in her girdle...

The **** old maiden was Hildegard Foyle
She hadn't been living according to Hoyle
Was relieved when the swelling was only a boil...

The **** old lady was Eloise Geck
Who could not decide which hole to select
She got for her pains, a pipe organ effect...

The **** old lady was Emily Clancy
She went there cause something tickled her fancy
But when she got there, it was ants in her pantsy...

The *** old lady was Mrs. McBligh
Went in with a bottle to booze on the sly
She jumped on the seat and fell in with a cry...

The **** to go in was old Mrs. Murray
She had to go in a hell of a hurry
But when she got there it was too late to worry...

The **** to come in was old Mrs. Brewster
She could not see as well as she used ter
She sat on the handle and swore someone goosed her...

The **** old lady was old Mrs. Hart
... fart

The **** old lady was old Mrs. Hemingway
... ???

Sort of like "Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer," isn't it!

- Barrie

| Barrie McCombs, MD, CCFP | Family Physician by day |
| | Folk Musician during full moons |
| Calgary Folk Music URL: |