Janie...a brave & enlightened admission. Having never had children of my own, your dilemma, if that's the right word, is not one I've had to face. I can but imagine that what one wishes for one's children & what they actually end up doing, rarely match up. Me, I became a musician...my Parents wanted me to be a PE Teacher...they even had a preferred college. Right up until their deaths, I don't think they were completely reconciled with the path I chose. It was exactly as you said, Janie, it was about their own "...fears & conventionalism".
                                           With Love,
                                                          Nigel
                                                          xxxx