"Brand New"

A man was going to work one day and accidentally slammed his penis in the car door. He went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "We're going to have to put a splint on that."

The guy said, "No way, Doc; I'm getting married in a week."

The Doc replied, "Well, if we don't, it's going to be bent for the rest of your life."

Finally the guy agreed, and the doctor got out a couple of tongue depressors and some tape and fixed him up.

A week later, and he was on his honeymoon...

His new wife did a slow, seductive strip-tease in front of him. She took off her bra and said, "See these? They've never been touched by a man before." She then took off her panties and said, "See this? It's never been seen by a man before."

So the husband whipped off his shorts and said, "See this? It's not even out of the crate yet!"