VT...the fact that you have 'put pen to paper' & laid out your concerns in some detail has therapeutic, problem-solving value. Don't underestimate the power of your subconscious. The answers/advice you seek almost certainly lie within your good self. Re-read what you posted first thing in the morning...set it aside & get on with your day. DO NOT re-read immediately before going to bed & do not re-read every day. A couple of times will be more than enough. The subconscious never sleeps & given time (different for each of us), new pathways will present themselves.
          I offer the above in the spirit of friendship, based on my life experiences of Psychotherapy, both as practitioner & patient. I retired from all clinical work twelve years ago, something which should be borne in mind when reading my comments. Like Gnu, I can't do much more than "...point out where the egg rolls are."
          I wish you well as you work your way through a complex, worrying set of circumstances,
                      With Love,
                                       Nigel.