Well I've been a wild drinker for many a year,
I spent all my money on on whisky and beer,

My first time in Belfast, and what do you know,
a bluddy blue Escort shows up on the road,
well he told me and ask me a question or two,
he said that I think that you've had quite a few,
I said oh no sergeant, I do not think so,
but he gave me the bag and said I should blow,

and its no nee never,
no nee never no more,
wil I be a drunk driver,
no never, no more,

He gave me this thing, it was like a balloon,
and he said its me bagpipes, will ye play me a tune,
I blew in the bag and what do you think,
it turned a strange colour and it wasn't pink,
so its off to the station, a blood sample to give,

and its no nee never,
no nee never no more,
wil I be a drunk driver,
no never, no more,

no doctor was in, so they called in the vet,
he used to volume, so what could I do,
just to pass them a sample of the pure morning due.

and its no nee never,
no nee never no more,
wil I be a drunk driver,
no never, no more,

And now I am waiting , my case has come up,
I am facin two policemen the judge and the court,
now listen all drivers, this moral is clear,
don't drive that old car, when your out on the bier,

and its no nee never,
no nee never no more,
wil I be a drunk driver,
no never, no more,

and if you go drinking, leave the keys with the wife,
or else you will thumb it, for the rest of your life,

and its no nee never,
no nee never no more,
wil I be a drunk driver,
no never, no more,