So, "Bring Back the Birch." I am fairly confident of Verse/Chorus 1:

We're appalled at those soft-headed sissies who say
That the criminal class is just sick. (Ha!)
Society's stuck with a crime wave today
For renouncing the fear of the stick.
(Donald Swann whacks the piano cabinet with one hand)
The thugs and the perverts fight prison arrest,
The murderers mostly unhung;
The right way to treat them is six of the best
On the seat of the trouble when young.

Bring back the birch. Thrash 'em and cane 'em.
Teach these delinquents that violence don't pay.
Bring back the 'cat'. Useless to train 'em!
Floggings and hangings will show them the way.
When this is done, not until then,
England will be Merrie England again.

Donald Swann plays an eighteenth-century dance and sings:
A pox on this radical penal reform!
No man may sleep safe in his bed [His Be-e-e-ed].
???????          empty, now Tyburn's a stump,
And the peasants want cake and not bread.
("Bah!" puts in Flanders.)
Although witch-hunts ????   heresy's rife,
Free-thinkers ? ?    ??
The papist and the Jacobite sharpens his knife,
And the Luddites are banding as well.

(both Flanders and Swann)
Bring back ?????         Bring back the bridle.
Hang and draw traitors, and quarter them too.
Brand the low thieves, transport the idle,
Burn at the stake all the heretic crew.
Perish reforms. Evil they bring!
Back to the day when the landlord was king.

(I'm on a public computer and I have to log off now. Tomorrow I shall return, and tomorrow's post shall resume this song with Michael Flanders impersonating an English baron shortly after Magna Carta.)