Homely
She looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
So stupid, he thinks Western union is cowboys underwear.
Not threaded all the way on.
Too numb to know port from starboard. don't know gee from haw.
Has a face that would turn a funeral up a blind alley.
"      "          "   stop an 8 day clock.
Singer, she has a voice that could shatter Tupperware. (My contribution, taken from "It sure as hell aint country" by me.

Fat guy, he has more chins than a Chinese phone book.