Here's my transcription from The UCSB Cylinder Audio Archive:


THE ARKANSAS TRAVELER
As recorded by Len Spencer, Edison Amberol 181, 1909.

[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Why, how do you do, boss? What might your name be?
—Well, it might be Abe Lincoln but it ain't. What made you think I was boss here?
—Why, I just guessed it.
—Well, just guess what my name is! Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Uh, did you see a fellow go by here this morning with one eye, named James?
—No. What was the name of his other eye, hm? Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Well, uh, how long have you lived here?
—You see that hill over there?
—Yes.
—Well, that was here when I come! Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Why, you don't mean to tell me you've lived here your whole life?
—Not yet! Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Are you, uh, married?
—No; no bad habits.
—No bad habits? Well, what do you chew that tobacco for?
—For nothing; nobody's fool enough to pay me for it! Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Well, uh, how far is it to the next crossroads?
—Just follow your nose and you'll come to it! Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Yes, but where does this road go to?
—It don't go nowhere. Stays right where 'tis! Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Say, uh, down the road I saw a horse with a broken leg. Now, why don't you kill it? People generally kill a horse with a broken leg.
—Well, I swan! Around here, we generally kill a horse with a shotgun! Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Say, you're a pretty smart fellow, ain't ya?
—Ain't half as smart as my brother Bill.
—Why, who is your brother Bill?
—Why, my mother's son, o' course! Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Say, come now, tell me: what is your name?
—George Washington.
—You don't mean to tell me you're the George Washington that chopped down the cherry tree?
—Oh, no. I ain't done a lick o' work for a year and a half! Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Say, uh, that's a very fine apple orchard you have. When's the best time to pick apples?
—When they ain't no dogs about! Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
Say, uh, what are you doing hereabouts, stranger?
—Oh, I'm just after a little local color.
—Local color! Well, I reckon you're a-gittin' it. That fence you were sittin' on was just painted this morning! Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Say, uh, now, I'm a lawyer, and a pretty smart one. Do I look it?
—Well, yes. Now, I had to go to law not long ago, about this house here.
—Did you have a smart lawyer?
—You just bet I did. He owns the house now! Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Uh, I notice a hole in the roof of your house. Why don't you have it fixed?
—'Cause it's been a-raining lately.
—Yes, but why don't you get it fixed when it's not raining?
—'Cause when it don't rain, it don't leak! Aw-haw-haw-haw!
[Plays beginning of tune, until interrupted.]
—Say, for pity's sake, why don't you play the rest of that tune?
—I just reckon there ain't no man living smart enough to do that.
—Oh, yes there is. Now, I think I can if you'll let me.—Ah, thank you. Now—
[Plays remainder of tune.]
—Well, by chowder, stranger, why, you're the smartest man a-living, you be! Well, you can have anything in my place. Come right in, … come right in! Aw-haw-haw-haw!