Here' a message i got from a friend.It has me stumped.Can anyone enlighten us.I believe it is from a book she is reading. Rhyming slang???

What do you make of this one John??? I don't understand it.

I could see the Clyde from time to time, but I couldn't figure out how to get to it or, more crucially, over it. I wandered along a series of back

lanes and soon found myself in one of those dead districts that consist of windowless warehouses and garage doors that say NO PARKING - GARAGE IN CONSTANT USE.
I took a series of turns that seemed to lead ever further away from society before finally bumbling into a short street that had a pub on the corner.
Fancying a drink and a sitdown, I wandered inside. It was a dark place, and battered, and there were only two other customers A pair of larcenous-looking men sitting side by side

at the bar drinning in silence. There was no-one behind the bar.
I took a stance at the far end of the counter and waited for a bit, but no-one came. I drummed my fingers on the counter and puffed my cheeks and made assorted puckery shapes with my lips the way you do when you are waiting. (And just why do we do that, do you suppose? It isn't even privately entertaining in the extremely low-level way that,say, peeling a blister or cleaning your fingernails with a thumbnail is.) I cleaned my nails with a thumbnail and puffed my cheeks some more, but still no-one came.
Eventually I noticed one of the men at the bar eyeing me. "Hae ya nae hook ma dooky?" he said. 'I'm sorry?' I replied. "He'll nay be doon a mooning." He hoiked his head in the direction of a back room. 'Oh, ah,' I said and nodded sagely, as if that explained it. I noticed that they were both still looking at me.

"D'ye hae a hoo and a poo?" said the first man to me. 'I'm sorry?' I said. "D'ye hae a hoo and a poo?" he repeated. It appeared that he was a trifle intoxicated. I gave a small, apologetic smile and explained that I came from the English-speaking world.

"D'ye nae hae in May?" the man went on. "If ye dinna dock ma donny." "Doon in Troon they croon in June," said his mate, then added: "Wi' a spoon."

'Oh, ah.' I nodded thoughtfully again, pushing my lower lip Out slightly, as if it was all very nearly clear to me now. Just then, to my small relief, the barman appeared, looking unhappy and wiping his hands on a tea towel.

"F**kin muckle f**ket in the f**kin muckle," he said to the two men, and then to me in a weary voice: "Ah hae the noo." I couldn't tell if it

was a question or a statement. 'A pint of Tennent's, please,' I said hopefully. He made an impatient noise, as if I were avoiding his question.
"Hae ya nae hook ma dooky?" 'I'm sorry?' "Ah hae the noo," said the first customet, who apparently saw himself as my interpreter.

What do you think o expert panel. ljc