Oh, crazywoman, the ditzy wife is more than aware that the beagle in question is horribly untrained, and she giggles at me and says -- and I quote -- "My bad!"

Now, when I am under their roof, I cower on the sofa when the fusillade of barking gets too much, and I push the beagle firmly to the floor when he climbs onto the cushion beside me and tries to get into my lap. When others glower, I say, "I'm a cat person." I'm not harsh, but I'm not kidding either.

My brother had a very Type A dog, a lurcher who was probably half greyhound and half Doberman. Shelley had her own chair in the sitting room, but she was not permitted on the sofa or to "drape" herself on humans; a dominant beast, she had to be kept aware of her place in the family -- i.e., not in charge. This policy kept her from menacing strangers both at home and in the street, no small matter as she was territorial and protective. But training her and maintaining discipline took effort. Alas, too many people are unwilling to go to the trouble.