I used to [insert sepia tone photo of unidentifiable old person] produce documentaries of exhaustive proportion [voice over interupts and describes documentaries, complete with superlatives--"first", "greatest", "unsurpassed", "any-other-word-that-ends-in-est"][fade to new sepia tone photo, this time of unidentifiable bungalow] until sued by Winton Marsalis for having relied entirely on his expertise [fade to new sepia tone photo--Winton and Branford on mother's lap] for the content of my last documentarty. Now I sit, bleary eyed in front of my computer screen, Jack Daniels my only 3D companion, and mudcat my life away.

...god, I've never been so happy

K. Burns