January 2nd, 1993
I woke up near the end of another century
Feeling fit and fine and ready to play
And this is how I start my day:

I put some I-can't-believe-it's-not butter
On my low-cal, no-cholesterol bread
Took some eggs out of the fridge and I put `em back
Scrambled up a cup of EggBeaters instead
I put some (???) Cremora in my decaf
Drank it from a styrofoam cup
Then I put on my extra-strength lubricated condom
Yo baby, I'm ready for love

CH: Nothing's real anymore
Nothing is the way it was before
Nothing feels the way it felt
Nothing smells the way it smelt
Nothing's real anymore
Nothing's real anymore
Nothing tastes the way it did before
And it really is pathetic
Life and love are all synthetic
Nothing's real anymore

After safe sex, instead of cigarettes
We laid back and shared some nicotine gum
And I opened up two non-alcoholic brews
She said, Oh how humdrum my life has become
When I blamed my mood on her silicone boobs
She screamed that she wanted me gone
I threw some (???) shirts in my naugahyde bag
And went to sleep out on the astroturf lawn

CH