Right-having lived in Hull and Greater Manchester and with Geoff who's from Bradford I get very confused but have sort of settled with tea cakes (or sometimes bread cakes but never barm) and those with fruit in are called currant tea cakes. French bread is long and thin and only garlic bread has garlic in it. Now I agree that crumpets and pikelets are differentiated by their depth and now to really confuse the friends accross the pond-a muffin is a flattened tea cake, slightly floury and delicious toasted and dripping with butter and syrup-thats syrup NOT treacle which is horrible black stuff!!! And then there are bloomers.........