My transcription from YouTube:


'TWAS DOWN IN PENNSYLTUCKY
As recited Bryan R. Johnston*

Well, 'twas down in Pennsyltucky 'bout the fourth o' Juvember
When we was fightin' underneath the command of General George Washin'machine
At the battle of Cow's Trot—or was it Bull's Run?—No, it doesn't matter anyway.
Well, we saw a couple o' wierdos monkeyin' around with a nuttymobile,
When they exploded a couple o' gasses o' galoline.
It scared 'em so they went runnin' through the forn kields like a rackjabbit,
Upset a fock o' shodder,
Broke a bug o' juttermilk,
Jumped on a little float,
Went a-boatin' up the Sissimippi River
With a little bank a-sittin' on the bark a-doggin' at 'em.
Well, they ran through town, fell into a pud muddle,
Knocked over a sweet streeper,
Ran into a tiano puner,
And the tiano puner jumped up and said: "Moly Hoses! What a meck of a hess!"

[* He says in the video that the story was passed down from his grandfather.]