Michael, at your age you should have learned that light-hearted banter may be conducted in whatever playful tone the participants connive in. But serious conversation, particularly where some antagonism is involved, needs to ditch the patronising stupidity of the childish modes of address of the kind you resort to. It's about outcomes, dear boy, outcomes. And the outcome of your wit-free childish talk is that we all think that you're a bit of a twat. You bring it on yourself. In the illiterate terms of the common yank, go figure. Sorry to be less than gentle with a chap of your advancing years, but you really do need to be told.