Les, I think I am pretty much in agreement with everything in your last post.

To clarify what I said: there is an unfortunate modern tendency, especially but not only on social media, to say "I'm offended" as if their opinions are all that matter and should take priority over everyone else's interests. In most of those cases, but especially where the supposed offence is based on a mistake or misunderstanding, my response is likely to be, "Tough!"

However if a black person complains about something they perceive to be racist I don't think that, as a white person who hasn't experienced racism, I can so easily dismiss their concerns, even if I think they are mistaken. In those circumstances I would take a more sympathetic view and try to explain to them why it was not racist. That is not to say that if they still found it racist I would necessarily agree with their point of view or change what they objected to, but I would be more ready to discuss the point with them and more understanding of their point of view.