There'll be enough sleaze if you let me into the cabinet...

If as an advisor I can appraise Prime Minister Elect Shaw of ideas for a cabinet of the talents rather than the popularity one above, courtesy of "bumped up to The Lords out of the way" Raggytash....

Michael gets minister for appeasement, which should keep him in Jerusalem most of the time, out of the way.

Terribulus can be minister for war. I'm sure he'll find some pesky foreigners to launch our inept navy towards. He can occasionally report at the dispatch box how well prepared, ready, able and willing his conscripts are. (All night sitting, that one..)

Keith can be minister for history. He is good at convincing himself of an idealised history. We'll let him find a use for all those empty churches too. If he says they are full, job sorted.

Joe Offer can be American Ambassador to The Court of St James. If we swing a deal with the pope (brown envelopes usually work), he can be the Vatican rep too. Not as funny as elf minister but more useful in that guise. He can keep an under Blackfriars Bridge for us. You can never be too sure.

BWM can be minister for Lincolnshire. We'd only have to pay him one day a week because, let's face it, not exactly a priority, is it?

PFR can be minister for pervy fun.

Dave the Gnome will be Chancellor of The Duchy of Lancaster, of course. He may be able to sort out the ethnic cleansing over territory presently under The UN radar in Todmorden.

My good friend Musket will want to be chancellor of the exchequer. No, no reason. Just saying like..... Oh and as for Musket, give him Mr Speaker. He lives in London so is available for sitting in the chair. I can be Scottish secretary. I am well qualified, being English but owning (OK, RBS mortgage really own) a house up here and claim residency.