Excerpt from Hansard, 15th March 2016.

The House met around tea-time.

Prayers were led my His Grace The Reverend Father Joseph Offer (blessed be his name), with attendant Pete (back from stoning homosexuals at dinner time).

Mr Speaker in the chair.

Prime Minister Steve Shaw: As a honest man of heritages vast and working class as is my wont I hereby declare a statue of myself shall be erected in Parliament Square to be used as a shrine to my all knowing and graceless genius.

cries of "right on" and "yer wot?" from the government benches, cries of "oo-oo" from the Musket monkeys

Speaker: Leader of the opposition, Ake

Ake: I reject the PM's proposal utterly as it will encourage foreigners, "liberals" and pigeons. I propose an alternative, namely a statue of Donald Drumpf and Our Lady of The Divine Misery Margaret Thatcher going at it like knives. I would just like to say "liberals" one more time as no-one understands it in the context I use it and wot I made right up, and also "cucumbers" because it takes more calories to say, hear and comprehend than there is in "cucumbers".

Punkfolkrocker: Cor! I've still got lead in me pencil too. Wey hey!

Prime Minister Shorn: I reject the honourable Ache's suggestion and amend my motion (pardon) to include smaller statues, recumbent at my oily feet of Raggy and his beardy, MGM and his lion with me standing on Keith's prize-winning swede.

Teribus: I donate all my kidneys to the queen; my hampton to Phil the Greek; my gnarled, pointy finger to Iain Duncan Smith to point at the filthy peasants; my liver to Nicola Sturgoen's hair surgeon and my brain to... hold on, who stole me friggin' brain? Bastards! You're all wrong!

At this point Terbium storms out of the chamber and was last seen licking the welcome mat at the MOD.

Musket Monkeys: Oo-oo! We're better than you all! We have more money that you all! We know it all! Our agreement with your point can be seen as vindication in the eyes of the feckless middle class! Anyone got any nuts?

Keith: May I humbly propose myself as the new minister for provoking an argument?

The house divides

Speaker: Vote in favour.

Keith: I never said that!

PM Shore: You bloody did:

Ake: "liberals!"

Keith: You're putting words into my mouth!

MGM: Punctuation!

PM Shaw: That's my line!

The Musket Monkeys start throwing poo at everyone

Musket Monkeys: Oo-oo! Superior we is! Maggots, the lot of you!

"His Holiness Joe Offer picks up his crozier and proclaims: THIS THREAD IS CLOSED". Cries of "shame" and "I knew it!". Everyone repairs to the Sweaty Nun for a pint or five and to play a few tunes.

Continued on page 94.