Ann Summers? Whips?? Mmmmm...

Stoppit, you're making me sound like a Tory grandee organising a sex party. Can we dress up?

Stop pretending, Musket. You know damn well it was only a mobile fish and chip van just down from Lidls in Falkirk. And you can't prove anything because I've hacked your Blackberry and deleted all your voice recordings. On the other hand I still have that video of you setting fire to a fart. If you want the job you'll have to wait until I'm ousted by a shock resignation and verbal knifing in the back.