She'd make a freight train take a dirt road.

Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

Busier than a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest.

Happy as a gopher in soft dirt.

Sweating like a sick whore in church.

Just like farting through silk.

Thicker than pig sh*t on two bridge planks.

I'll smack you so hard your grandchildren wil stutter.

(the wind is) blowing like a whore on dollar night.

Tight as a bull's ass in fly season.

Bonnie, ol' pal, somehow I just can't hear any of these coming out of your mouth. But have fun with them.

Cheers, D