I already told you, Dave, you're the Minister for Bingo and Other Arts.

My cabinet makeup will be a broad church. I haven't a clue what that means but I thought it might keep pete and Joe happy. After all. I am a one-nation PM. Well, two if you're counting Britain as well as Cornwall. I've set up an in-out referendum for Yorkshire, by the way. The vote was yesterday but I forgot to tell you. Yorkshire are out. Boycott and Parky have already had their visas cancelled. I hope this demonstrates both my dynamism and my decisiveness.

Has Yorkshire got any oil?