WHAT a vile attack upon the noble Dachshund! I'll have you know that there are many things they do well. To wit...

- barking
- stealing food
- peeing on things
- gluttony
- sleeping
- sloth
- growling
- emitting strong odors!
- finding carrion and manure
- rolling in the above (see: emitting strong odors)
- killing rodents
- pursuing rabbits, squirrels, and other such furry creatures
- robbing garbage
- howling (to accompany harmonica and ambulance and police vehicles)
- begging for food
- rolling their eyes
- looking guilty, but not necessarily repentant
- getting drunk at garden parties

All in all, the Dachshund has so many gifts and great qualities that it beggars description.