Yet another version that I found on Spotify. The recording sounds rather old; I suspect it's a transcription from a 78-rpm record, but I have no details.


BALONEY
As recorded by Benny Bell on "The Best of Benny Bell"

Three guys I know with plenty of dough once had a grand inspiration.
They thought they'd like to go on a hike and spend a ten-day vacation.
They took along three bags of food and a pound of macaroni,
A can of corn, a can of beans, and a four-inch piece of baloney.

For seven days they wandered around; the road map somebody lost it;
And on the eighth they suddenly found that all their food was exhausted.
The sun went down and here they were in a valley rough and stony:
No food at all except that small little precious piece of baloney.

It was too small to cut up in three so that was out of the question.
Then someone got a brilliant idea and made a clever suggestion.
They all agreed to go to sleep and they swore it won't be phony.
Whoever has the sweetest dream will eat up all the baloney.

They all woke up the following day and Tony was so delighted.
He said he dreamt he went to heaven and joyfully he recited:
"An angel shook me by the hand and shouted: 'Hello, Tony!'
I think this dream cannot be beat, so I guess I win the baloney."

The next one said: "Be patient, my friend; I'm not so sure that you win it.
I also dreamt to heaven I went and promptly as I got in it,
I took the key to paradise and I rode there on a pony.
I think this dream is better than yours, so gimme; I want the baloney."

The last one said: "Don't argue, my friends; you both should win; I don't doubt it.
I dreamt your dreams were just as you say, and I did something about it.
I saw you both go up to heaven; it made me sad and lonely.
I thought you'd never come back again, so I got up and ate the baloney."