I think it's been over six months since I've regularly posted here. I've had a LOT on my plate, but that stuff has been mostly accomplished and now it's time to get back into the habit of posting here. You're my support group and I've missed you!

It's a gorgeous day -- dry, sunny, low humidity, breezy and I got to bed very early last night (because I couldn't keep my eyes open) and slept all the way until 7 a.m.

Lately it seems I have energy one day, zilch the next, then another day when I'm functional, followed by a day I not only can't get out of my own way, but desperately need a nap. Part of it is probably a bit of depression triggered by my birthday last week. That's the most difficult of the "significant dates" of the year...difficult because Tom (Curmudgeon) isn't here to share it with me.

I'm on a roll this morning -- made my list, as usual. Read and disposed of one of the free publications that stack up and sewed up (not exactly darning) a hole in a favorite pair of socks. Then, and I think most importantly, I got dressed and attacked the day. It's altogether too tempting to just stay in bed reading, petting the cat, etcet etcet and then, by the time I get up, the day is mostly shot and only the stuff that HAS to get done gets done. Today I'm making headway on the stuff that's been waiting.

And I ate breakfast on the deck. I sat on the steps because I still have furniture and things stacked on and around the deck table under a tarp. I'll work on THAT today, too. Then I swept the twigs and effluvia from tree sex off the deck (again...). I need to rake the twigs, etc. off the driveway, too, and move the larger branches that I haven't already picked up. It's been quite breezy of late.

On my list for today is to start raking the leaves out of the hosta bed in the turnaround -- way overdue. But it didn't get accomplished in the Spring because it kept snowing -- usually right after a stretch of pleasant and warmish weather. It was a very strange Spring, and I'm sorry to have to announce that there were only two (TWO!!!) pink ladyslippers this year. I usually have between 12 and 45. I can't blame the deer, either. Nary a bloom nipped off by deer teeth. (They ONLY eat the blooms.) I did splurge and buy some granulated coyote urine for the patch. Hope it will keep the woodchucks away from them, too.

So...what have I been doing that has taken up so much time and energy...

The main thing is I researched, got HUD counseling, applied for, had the house appraised, etcet etcet and achieved a reverse mortgage. That means I don't have to sell the house and I'm now in a modestly comfortable and sustainable position. But it was a lot of work and time consuming. But all my repairs and replacements in cobbling the house back together paid off. But before we could close, they required I put a railing on the deck, something Tom and I never wanted. (HUD regulations, I think.) Outdoor carpentry in January -- yeah, that's a favorite thing. But my not-always-reliable handyman took my idea of using rope in between the top and bottom rails and made it even better looking by puting a twist on it.

Then, after the closing, they hit me with the requirement that I put in a floor on the entire main living area of the house -- 85 square yards -- and a six-month deadline to accomplish it and get it approved. We've only had (deteriorating) subflooring since Tom built the house in 1977. He made a couple tactical errors at that time. First, he used mostly a particle board material instead of plywood throughout, and second, he and his first wife moved in before the house was finished. By the time I came on the scene a few years after they split up, there was furniture, rugs, and stuff throughout the house and whenever we had the money, we didn't have the time and whenever we had the time, there was no money.

I'd replaced a few pieces of subflooring after Tom broke his ankle and before he came home from rehab because his wheelchair would have gotten stuck in the potholes, but mostly it was subflooring showing its age. So...I decided on hickory floating laminate. Only a few pieces of subflooring had to be replaced, but what made the job so complicated was EVERYTHING had to be moved...and I couldn't do it. It all got done. I moved what I could (especially so I could find some things) and a young and agile helper did the rest while my handyman did a great job on the floor using my table saw down cellar. And he didn't fall off the wagon (I was watching, holding my breath) until right AFTER the job was done. (Okay, so now I have a few other little jobs plus cleaning up the scraps, etc. down cellar that he didn't do.) Paperwork got submitted, inspection completed, and I'm still waiting for the check for the set-aside (set aside covered the materials, but I had to come up with that and the labor, etc. upfront) which SHOULD come today.

So I'm breathing a little easier. I also realized a few months ago that I'm totally burned out on the Portsmouth Maritime Folk Festival, so I first extricated myself from participation this year and announced it was my last year on the board, and then last week resigned completely (except for consulting and producing the program)from the board and my position as president. I think I accomplished what Tom would have had he stayed healthy and alive. I had thought I'd get out before I burned out, but came to the crashing conclusion I was already too late.

Now I have to learn how to relax again without having all that bearing down on me.

I still run the two trad and sea music sessions at The Press Room and last October I started a monthly Voicearound at Red & Shorty's in Dover -- both music (not necessarily trad or even folk) and spoken word. Maybe now I'll have both the mental and physical breathing space to pick up the guitar again and to start trying to learn English concertina.

Having to move everything has been good, too. A lot that I'd entirely forgotten about has come to light to be dealt with, archived (I found the original papers from the post & beam kit people -- from when this house was built) or disposed of. LOTS of trips to Goodwill and a huge pile of books to the May library sale that I knew wouldn't be cost effective to sell.

Now I've got more time to concentrate on decluttering.

Linn